Confessions of a Ghanaian Girl

The Fire Next Time [Wikipedia Link] was my first book by James Baldwin. It is kinda sad that I discovered him this late. But I am happy I eventually did and The Fire Next Time was my first.

It was also my last book for 2020.

It blew my mind in many ways with its wisdom and insights into black Christian [religious] movements and race in the US.

Here are some quotes I treasure:

Well, he is dead, he never saw you, and he had a terrible life; he was defeated long before he died because, at the bottom of his heart, he really believed what white people said about him. This is one of the reasons that he became so holy.

You can only be destroyed by believing that you really are what the white world calls a nigger. 

Well, the black man has functioned in the white man’s world as a fixed star, as an immovable pillar: and as he moves out of his place, heaven and earth are shaken to their foundations.

What others did was their responsibility, for which they would answer when the judgment trumpet sounded. But what I did was my responsibility, and I would have to answer, too

One cannot argue with anyone’s experience or decision or belief. 

How can one, however, dream of power in any other terms than in the symbols of power? 

If one is permitted to treat any group of people with special disfavor because of their race or the color of their skin, there is no limit to what one will force them to endure, and, since the entire race has been mysteriously indicted, no reason not to attempt to destroy it root and branch.

Whoever debases others is debasing himself.

White Americans find it as difficult as white people elsewhere do to divest themselves of the notion that they are in possession of some intrinsic value that black people need, or want. 

Dear friend,

This is to let you know

I will not be attending your funeral

But, as you inhale

I want you to guide me

Through the contours of your heart

Let me touch each crack and nurture each fold

With the spark it deserves and all I can while you inhale

Give me all your breath

So that when yours becomes air

My chest remains sated

May my mind never betray me

Your breath always satisfy me

Till I see you again

This Jesus Christ

That you’ve made your personal property

Positioned yourself

Like Aunty Memuna

Dishing Him out

To those you think He deserves

Hiding Him

From those you think unworthy

I have a message for you

This Jesus Christ

He is for us all

Yes, us all

You got that right

He is for us

Whose sins are out there in the open

And for us

Whose sins are in there in our hearts

He is for us all

So my brother, my sister chill

Maybe this comes as a surprise, but one thing I looked forward to moving to Germany as a student was the chance to odd job. Apart from it being a thing of satisfying curiosity, I needed the money especially when the seven thousand euros begins to run out. I was privileged to get the job connection through a neighbour of Barbara, my first German friend. Finding one had been tough particularly in the first months when my German was little to nothing. I recall a telephone convo to a packaging company and the shrill feminine voice at the other end explaining how they reserved employment for persons with fluent German skills on a job that required no verbal abilities. ☹

I did not become a housekeeper instantly either, I had an interview (in my broken German) and received confirmation later. I worked in one of German’s top hotel chains but officially employed by a hospitality agency. I did receive hotel employee benefits like lunch, joining in employee events and sorts.

I was on that job for a little over a year. I dare say, this job has been like no other. For one, it has been the only job that required my physical investment to a 100 percent. Though I did learn a lot about how the hotel industry works, I gathered some life tips on this job. I share below of these, four things I learnt on this job.

1. Mindfulness

Did you know it is possible to clean a room in 15 minutes? Yes, you saw that right, in 15 minutes, to the standard required! So, until I went through this process of training as a housekeeper, cleaning was a thing I reveled in. There would be music playing, dancing, etc. basically cleaning at home, could take a chunk of my Saturday mornings. However, working as a housekeeper, I marveled at how fast cleaning tasks could be done and the little time it took to do them. Cleaning a room for new occupancy (check-in) with a single bed can take 15 minutes (some experienced housekeepers do this in less) with training. This means laying the bed with new sheets, cleaning the bathtub (or shower), wash sink, & toilet, wiping surfaces & floors, throwing rubbish out, airing the room and vacuuming. All that in 15 minutes. Can you imagine that? I couldn’t in my first days. So, the trick, I learned, was to be mindful. To be present in and on the tasks at hand. Get in there, do what you need to do, get out. No time for mind wandering. Time is essential on this job. Concentrate on the task at hand, get it done, think later, or you might take too much time on tasks and even forget to clean something.

2. The value of time

As I said time is a key essential on this job. I learned to appreciate time better on this job. Each keeper receives a varied allocation of rooms per workday dependent on season, experience, check-ins, room-type, etc. So, when I get 15 rooms, I may have 7 check-ins which means I would have to lay 7 to 14 new beds and clean the room as if it had never been occupied. If the 8 rooms were stay-ins, I would lay the beds (change sheets if dirty) and clean the room. I would generally have 6-8 hours to get this done. Since check-ins are the priority (get paid more), I needed to apportion the needed minutes for a room, get them cleaned before check-in time which was 2 pm. Respect, in this job, was gained by getting rooms done quickly, in time, and to the satisfaction of the supervisor (quality control). I checked the time each time I entered a room finding the difference in the time I spent and learning to recover from rooms that took much time.

3. Are Gyms not overrated?

Being a housekeeper takes a toll on literally every part of the body. You need strong arms to lay beds to standards, bend multiple times, squat to check under beds, back and shoulders to push those trolleys, run in and out of rooms. There is so much movement and you are literally standing for most parts of the working day. This job made me lose weight without a gym subscription. In the beginning,  all I did after work was sleep. After a month or two, I felt stronger with lesser fatigue. Though the cleaning chemicals were a minus, the work was a sure test of my physique. It is a job requiring a lot of physical exertion and did help me unwilling to get my physical body stronger.

4. Empathy and Respect

I wish this had been something I learned before this job. This position gave me a hands-on insight into housekeeping. It is a challenging job mostly done by women, migrants, and persons with low societal status. The experience left me with respect and awe for housekeepers. They literally are the backbones of the hotel industry but as always never get the due recognition, never seen, never heard. It is hypocritical that I say I realised this after being a housekeeper because there is no need to walk in someone’s shoes to be empathetic to their situation. We can be kind, respectful, and empathetic when we choose to.

So, the next time you are in a hotel, kindly remember, yes, you paid for the room and have earned the right to let your pets sleep in the bed or throw toilet roll all over the room. But also remember that the more time a housekeeper spends in cleaning your room, the less money they make. What stays with most housekeepers are the acts of kindness, tips yes of course! And the people who lay their beds, clean after themselves, there are people who even leave written notes of gratitude with smileys. Yes, those are some of the acts you never forget when you have a day with 24 rooms to clean. I will also never forget my colleagues, some of who have had only this job their entire lives and will till they retire. They were some of the kindest-hearted women I ever met. They helped me a lot in the first months. They did show me a lot of kindness which warms my heart when I think of them.

Failure is a reserve for those alive. It is a privilege for those who can breathe.

Yet I find daily a need to preserve my perceived perfections, so dire no taint is permitted.

What they call the overnight success is what I beg for. The one  where the night birthed in the perils of try and err is surpassed.

I honour myself and keep wishing to only wake to a dawn that beholds the new life promised.

How did I read 100 books in 2020?

I set myself an extreme ambition to read 100 books in March 2020. I have always loved reading but never seemed to have enough time to read as much as I wished. This year, however, I tried to make time for what it is that I claimed to enjoy. How did I read the 100 books?

By goal setting: I wanted to “improve my reading habits” and the obvious step was to read. However, as all other things, I claimed to enjoy I assumed reading was done when time remained from doing all the other “important things”. By setting this goal, writing it down, and also making it public, I knew there was something I had to work intently towards. I made a Facebook post about reading 100 books and asked friends to join me.

Making time: There is no time unless you make out time. As a single mom, I am pressed for time. I am careful (or try to be careful) of how I spend my time. Time is precious to me. However, setting this goal and seeking to attain it made me realize how much time I spent on unproductive events and people. One of the major time distractions for me was Social Media: Whatsapp and Instagram. I limited my time on these platforms and when I was on there I decided to be more purposeful. Establishing relationships and connecting with others as compared to mindless scrolling. I also dedicated time say at least 1 hour a day to read or listen to an audio book. I incorporated it into daily activities such as riding the bus, at the playground, cooking, cleaning, and mindless staring 😉.

Being disciplined: It took a lot of discipline to read 100 books. Sometimes I had to turn my data (internet) off or even switch my phone off. My son goes to bed at 8pm (also something of necessary discipline), and if I do not have housework or office work to attend to, I have a couple of hours say 2-4 hours before I turn in. I try to make good use of this time by doing things like reading, concentrating on reading, and not giving in to the temptation to check emails or Instagram posts.

Staying focused: “I can do this” and “I will not give up” were my guiding quotes. Fixing my focus and concentrating on the path I set was necessary. It can get overwhelming when you see other persons reading profiles and get tempted to veer towards what others are reading. As a wise woman said to me “You can’t read them all”. I focused on the books I wished to read, made a couple of guiding lists. The website Goodreads was also helpful in keeping track of what I read and wanted to read. I explored all possible book formats such as eBooks, paperbacks, audio, etc, and always had a form of a book on me all the time, on my phone or in my bag. There are many platforms where one can read books for free or download pdf versions of books. Additionally, I borrowed books from the library which is also very cost-effective.

Here is a list of books I read this year.

1. The Fire Next Time–Baldwin, James
2. The Arrangements–Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi
3. Say Her Name–Elliott, Zetta
4. Lord of the Flies–Golding, William
5. Let’s Tell This Story Properly–Makumbi, Jennifer Nansubuga
6. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts–Chapman, Gary
7. Their Eyes Were Watching God–Hurston, Zora Neale
8. The Money Challenge: 30 Days of Discovering God’s Design For You and Your Money–Rainer, Art
9. Blood Child, and Other Stories–Butler, Octavia E.
10. Changes: A Love Story–Aidoo, Ama Ata
11. The Kickass Single Mom–Johnson, Emma
12. How to Have That Difficult Conversation: Gaining the Skills for Honest and Meaningful Communication–Cloud, Henry
13. Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex–Todd, Michael
14. She Would Be King–Moore, Wayetu
15. The Death of Vivek Oji–Emezi, Akwaeke
16. The Girl with the Louding Voice–Daré, Abi
17. Beloved–Morrison, Toni
18. A Spot of Bother–Haddon, Mark
19. The Woman Next Door–Omotoso, Yewande
20. Zikora–Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi
21. Playing in the Dark: Whiteness and the Literary Imagination–Morrison, Toni
22. Born on a Tuesday–John, Elnathan
23. Was Nina wusste–Grossman, David
24. Small Country–Faye, Gaël
25. The Why Cafe–Strelecky, John P.
26. Children of Blood and Bone (Legacy of Orïsha, #1)–Adeyemi, Tomi
27. Teaching My Mother How to Give Birth–Shire, Warsan
28. Rules of Engagement: Preparing for Your Role in the Spiritual Battle–Prince, Derek
29. Fisch aus Gold–Le Clézio, J.M.G.
30. God Is a Matchmaker–Prince, Derek
31. Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones–Clear, James
32. Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions–Adichie, Chimamanda Ngozi
33. Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance–Obama, Barack
34. Houseboy–Oyono, Ferdinand
35. The Kangaroo Chronicles–Kling, Marc-Uwe
36. Fierce Faith: A Woman’s Guide to Fighting Fear, Wrestling Worry, and Overcoming Anxiety–Worthington, Alli
37. Song of Solomon–Morrison, Toni
38. Kitchen–Yoshimoto, Banana
39. Becoming–Obama, Michelle
40. The Five People You Meet in Heaven–Albom, Mitch
41. Hair Story: Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America–Byrd, Ayana
42. Outliers: The Story of Success–Gladwell, Malcolm
43. Master Your Money–Blue, Ron
44. The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks & Win Your Inner Creative Battles–Pressfield, Steven
45. Love–Morrison, Toni
46. Kintu–Makumbi, Jennifer Nansubuga
47. Friday Black–Adjei-Brenyah, Nana Kwame
48. How to Write Dazzling Dialogue: The Fastest Way to Improve Any Manuscript–Bell, James Scott
49. Home–Morrison, Toni
50. Sick of Me: from Transparency to Transformation–Capps, Whitney
51. How Music Works–Byrne, David
52. The Beautiful Struggle: A Father, Two Sons and an Unlikely Road to Manhood–Coates, Ta-Nehisi
53. Reading Like a Writer: A Guide for People Who Love Books and for Those Who Want to Write Them–Prose, Francine
54. Lying–Harris, Sam
55. The Treasure Principle: Unlocking the Secret of Joyful Giving–Alcorn, Randy
56. The Gifts of Imperfection–Brown, Brené
57. The War is Over: Stop Struggling and Accept the Privileges of Peace with God–Wommack, Andrew
58. The Elements of Style–Strunk, William Jr.
59. This Will Be My Undoing: Living at the Intersection of Black, Female, and Feminist in (White) America–Jerkins, Morgan
60. Ayiti–Gay, Roxane
61. The Fishermen–Obioma, Chigozie
62. The Moor’s Account–Lalami, Laila
63. The Screwtape Letters–Lewis, C.S.
64. On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft–King, Stephen
65. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (Maya Angelou’s Autobiography, #1)–Angelou, Maya
66. Becoming Nigerian: A Guide–John, Elnathan
67. A Raisin in the Sun–Hansberry, Lorraine
68. The Lies That Bind: Rethinking Identity–Appiah, Kwame Anthony
69. The Joys of Motherhood–Emecheta, Buchi
70. Educated–Westover, Tara
71. Indigenous Research Methodologies–Chilisa, Bagele
72. God Help the Child–Morrison, Toni
73. An American Marriage–Jones, Tayari
74. The Hundred Wells of Salaga–Attah, Ayesha Harruna
75. Behold the Dreamers–Mbue, Imbolo
76. Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life–Lamott, Anne
77. The Collector of Treasures and Other Botswana Village Tales–Head, Bessie
78. The Practice of the Presence of God In Modern English–Davis, Marshall
79. Girl, Woman, Other–Evaristo, Bernardine
80. Patchwork–Banda-Aaku, Ellen
81. Switch On Your Brain: The Key to Peak Happiness, Thinking, and Health–Leaf, Caroline
82. How to Win Friends and Influence People–Carnegie, Dale
83. Raising Giant-Killers: Releasing Your Child’s Divine Destiny Through Intentional Parenting–Johnson, Bill
84. Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds–Goggins, David
85. The Scattering–Kubuitsile, Lauri
86. Allah is Not Obliged–Kourouma, Ahmadou
87. American Spy–Wilkinson, Lauren
88. A Woman Is No Man–Rum, Etaf
89. A Taste of Love–Gowon, Sifa Asani
90. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed–Gottlieb, Lori
91. Mere Christianity–Lewis, C.S.
92. The Bold New Normal: Creating The Africa Where Everyone Prospers–Quist, Lucy
93. Queenie–Carty-Williams, Candice
94. The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here for?–Warren, Rick
95. A Room of One’s Own–Woolf, Virginia
96. The Death of Ivan Ilych–Tolstoy, Leo
97. The Confident Mom: Guiding Your Family with God’s Strength and Wisdom–Meyer, Joyce
98. Complications: A Surgeon’s Notes on an Imperfect Science–Gawande, Atul
99. Battlefield Of The Mind: Winning The Battle In Your Mind–Meyer, Joyce
100. The Memory of Love–Forna, Aminatta

My five top books in no particular order

1. The Girl with the Louding Voice by Abi Daré for its originality, uniqueness and entertainment.
2. Battlefield Of The Mind: Winning The Battle In Your Mind by Joyce Meyer  for teaching me to master my mind
3. Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds by David Goggins for the motivation to move beyond my past and present limitations
4. Playing in the Dark: Whiteness and the Literary Imagination by Toni Morrison for the wisdom
5. An American Marriage by Tayari Jones for keeping my mind up at night even when I had finished reading it

As humans our superpowers are limited. We define persons by their outward appearances and actions. We can never be privy to the deep intent of a person’s heart, even if they told us. We assume love, affection, kindness, holiness based on what we see, while God accesses people by the intent of the heart.

We like persons based on their beauty, oration, warmth, and so on and are shocked when we find out the outwardness does not match the inwardness. We latch on easily to persons that smile at us, believing that it ultimately translates to good intentions. We form bonds based on the outwardness.

A strategy of con-persons is warmth, they approach with warmth and an outwardness that suggests good intentions, but “they were so nice and friendly” shocks and hurts us when we learn their intent.

I am inspired to write this post due to a critique I saw on Facebook about the way women dress. It said women who wore dresses above the knee were promiscuous. I found that weird, a weird task of a pastor to judge the morality of girls and women based on the length of their clothes, because the gospel is not about keeping up “holy looking” appearances before people.

I think as preachers or pastors, we veer off the message of the cross when we concentrate on telling persons to work on their outward self. There is an elevation of the ability of self to perform righteously, and an advancement in the contribution of works to salvation. If all women did wear dresses to their toes, will that ultimately make the body of Christ a righteous one?

Have we been commissioned on this journey of criticism by the Holy Spirit? I believe that when God changes us, He does this on the inward and it reflects on the outward. Unless God reveals the intent of one’s heart you cannot judge them by what you see. As a human, you are limited.

God calls us all, regardless of what we look like on the outside because He is confident of His power to renew the mind and heart. He is confident He will make us into what He has envisioned us to be. Our righteousness cannot be earned, the Spirit of God through our obedience makes this righteousness evident before people.

As I undergo this process of submission to the Spirit, I realise how patient the Holy Spirit is. How even when we stumble the Holy Spirit does not give up on us or call us names or accuse us of ruining the body of Christ.

My dear friend, as humans, we are limited by what we see and cannot judge one’s relationship with God based on their clothes or earrings. Perhaps the person you are calling out is in a stage of struggle with God, perhaps they are finding their purpose and being positioned by God, you cannot understand their position by accessing outwardly, and even then, what business is it to question how God works on someone especially when you have never prayed for them. The moment you earnestly pray for spiritual growth for someone you stop critiquing their actions because your assurance is in the power of the Spirit of God.

In criticising others, we often fail to talk about our discomfort (weaknesses) and position ourselves as epitomes of perfection. It is uncomfortable, especially with a mind that runs without restrictions to have to look at persons “inappropriately” dressed. I remember being uncomfortable watching a sermon where the pastor was in very tight skinny trousers and a t-shirt showing his bulging biceps. It is easy to let the mind start to imagine all sorts of things and uncomfortable because that is not what I signed up for. Until I was able to get past my discomfort, position myself for benefit regardless of an outward appearance I limited myself from receiving this message which helped me at that moment with something I was struggling with. At this stage of maturity, I tell myself I will never allow someone’s outward appearance to limit me from receiving from God. Can I confront my discomforts, not drown my inability in blame and allow the Spirit of God to move as I confront my weaknesses, and show me His glory?

Look, we look “prim and proper” by society’s standard by grace, so please let us remember to extend this same mercy we received to others who to us are not “prim and proper”. Let us be kind to girls and women, regardless of how they dress up because they are as important to the body of Christ. All parts are important. The essence of a finger is neglected until it goes missing. Let us remember we need to approach this issue from a place of love and kindness. As you can see this method of harsh reproach has not worked and is not working. If I am wearing indecent clothing, openly shaming me on social media does nothing to increase my love for God. I will feel hurt and wonder if God loves me too especially if it is a leader of the church doing this. This social media courtroom may lead people to lose their faith in God. If it is not leading them to God, it is leading them away. Are you building the church or destroying it? Let us commit to the harder work of the inner transformation, committing to guide as siblings in love under the guidance of the Spirit of God.

God will use who He wills for what He wants, your opinion will not matter!

Nothing is impossible for God to do.

Our confidence in the Spirit of God to move mountains will be seen in how we address these issues.

Peace be unto us all.