Two weeks ago, I came across a compelling book recommendation on Facebook. I then went to Goodreads to find out what the majority thought about the book. The most liked reviews were negative. They claimed the book did not deliver tips on living with less as was expected, but instead was a memoir the author used as an outlet to whine about her many life issues.
One comment struck me, though: the commenter said she was the same age as the author and had been handed much worse cards in life, yet had been able to manage it well without the privilege and money the author had. I thought it was a very simple and weird way to compare lives. It led me to think about how the same load can be much heavier depending on who carries it.
The weight of the load is determined by the person carrying it, not the passerby.
The same load might bring one to their knees while another juggles it with one hand. We are made and structured differently. It is unfair to judge another because they do not carry their life challenges in the perfect manner that we do.
A friend once told me about a situation where she got stranded at an airport and became sad and frustrated due to challenges she had getting to her final destination. I had been in a similar situation, so when I first heard the story, I wondered why it had such a toll on her. “Is she too soft?” God reminded me, using that conversation, that everyone is built differently; what I am insensitive to might disorient someone else.
Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. When people are not being strong enough or holding themselves up enough in certain situations, it is because they cannot. Maybe it’s because they lack the skills, or because of the environment they find themselves in, or due to the way they were made by God. You cannot push people into strength or force them to hold up in situations just because we did so when it was our turn.
For example, with pregnancy, every woman’s experience is different, and even then, pregnancy differs again with each child. I think it is cruel to judge a pregnant woman by another pregnant woman’s experience. While pregnancy is a breeze for some, it is a struggle for others with life-threatening consequences.
If someone is unable to present themselves in the way that we expect, it does not always mean they are lazy or unwilling to push themselves. It can mean they are not effectively equipped to handle the situation, their bodies and minds are not up to the task, and they cannot, like a switch, step in and be strong and ready just because we think they should. That we each carry the same loads differently should settle finely in us, like dust in the desert.
